Outdoors - Turtles: A get rich quick scheme

   After my column about catching snapping turtles appeared in newspapers around the country, I was inundated with information, on which I was so sorely lacking.  I learned how to clean turtles, in many ways, some of which bordered on the bizarre.  The strangest involved an air compressor, large gauge needles, and sharp knives.  I will leave the details to the reader’s imagination.  I also received recipes, some of which sounded quite good.  The one that sounded the best was basically New England clam chowder with the clams replaced with turtle and the New England replaced with Iowa.  In New England, they use potatoes and leeks.  In Iowa, we use corn and onions.  People in different parts of the country cook with that which is handy.  It all works.  The most interesting bit of information I received as a result of the column was that a guy less than thirty miles away buys snapping turtles for a dollar a pound to be shipped all over the world.  When I told my son about this, he had the same response as did I.  We could get rich catching turtles.  Perhaps not rich, but wealthy enough to winter in the south of France when the ice became too thick to catch turtles.  We immediately set out to build a turtle trap.  Lack of knowledge about a subject has never stopped me from attempting to do anything.  Neither of us had ever seen a turtle trap, but how hard could it be.  A pre-historic animal, such as a snapping turtle, could not be too bright.  We had two cattle panels, a roll of chicken wire, and a welder.  My son even knows how to weld, somewhat.  The cattle panels are heavy gauge steel grids that had been used as gates sometime in the distant past.  They had also had the misfortune of being closed when someone who shall remain nameless drove a tractor through the gate he thought was opened.  The somewhat deformed panels were cut into four foot sections and welded into a more or less square shape.  A funnel was formed on the one side and chicken wire covered the large holes. We made a bait container, which was wired to the top, and we were ready for turtle trapping.  Loading the newly made turtle trap, we discovered, two cattle panels and a roll of chicken wire all connected with forty pounds of welding rods, causes a it to weigh more than one might think.  We loaded it into the truck and headed for the lake.  The only topic of discussion on the trip to the lake was what to do with the really fine trap when we reached our destination.  We wanted it to be deep enough for the bait box to touch the water, but shallow enough the turtles in the trap would not drown.  We checked the shore, where it was either too shallow or too deep.  We finally decided to take it out in a boat and drop it where it would be just right.  With a depth finder and fishing pole, we finally found the place that met all the requisite needs for turtle trapping.  We baited the trap and dropped it unceremoniously overboard.  Tonight is my son’s night to check the trap.  I am not sure how this will be done, but I know he will let me know.  I am also not sure how to get a turtle out of the trap, so I hope he catches the first one and informs me of the proper procedure.  I also hope he has all of his fingers when he calls.  Their may also be a pre-historic reptile trapping or transportation license required to sell turtles.  I am sure I will be informed if so.  The call usually comes on Monday morning from the Enforcement Division of the Department of Natural Resources when I have done something illegal and had the lack of wisdom to tell the entire world in my column.  We are well on our way to easy street with turtles.  I will keep you informed of our success and let you know what the DNR says when they call.